It is August, and that means the new school year is upon us. At DVIP & RVAP, we know that domestic violence doesn’t just affect adults. It deeply impacts children, too. More than 15 million children in the United States live in homes where domestic violence has occurred at least once. These children often carry invisible burdens into classrooms, playgrounds, and peer interactions, affecting their learning, development, and well-being.
Short-Term Effects of Domestic Abuse on Kids
Even if a child isn’t physically harmed, witnessing abuse can create long-lasting emotional and psychological trauma. Each child reacts differently, but there are patterns based on age:
Preschool-aged Children
Young children may regress in behavior, returning to thumb-sucking, bed-wetting, or increased crying. They might struggle to fall asleep, experience intense separation anxiety, or show signs of fear, like hiding or stuttering.
School-aged Children
This group may feel responsible for the abuse they witness and carry deep guilt. They might withdraw from school activities, experience a drop in grades, or isolate themselves from friends. Frequent headaches and stomachaches are also common, signaling stress that they may not be able to express verbally or emotionally.
Teens
Adolescents might rebel, skip school, or engage in risky behaviors like substance use or unsafe sex. Teen boys may externalize their pain, via fighting or bullying, while teen girls are more likely to internalize, showing signs of depression or withdrawal. Both are at increased risk of entering abusive relationships or becoming abusers themselves if they don’t receive support.
The Long-Term Effects of Domestic Abuse on Kids
Children exposed to domestic violence are more likely to face:
- Mental health issues, including depression, anxiety, and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
- Physical health conditions like heart disease, obesity, and diabetes
- Low self-esteem and difficulties in forming healthy relationships
- Higher risks of repeating the cycle of abuse in adulthood
How To Help Children Recover
Each child responds differently to abuse and trauma, but children have proven to be resilient and can move on past the trauma with time and support. How successful a child is at recovering from abuse or trauma depends on several things, including having:
- A good support system or good relationships with trusted adults
- High self-esteem
- Healthy friendships
Although children may never forget what they saw or experienced during the abuse, they can learn healthy ways to deal with their emotions and memories as they mature. Here are some ways that caregivers, teachers, or supporters can help:
Assure them that the abuse is not their fault.
Encourage conversations about fear and relationships. Let the child know that abuse is never okay—and it’s never their fault.
Talk to them about healthy relationships.
Help them learn from the abusive experience by talking about what healthy relationships are and are not. This will help them know what is healthy when they start romantic relationships of their own.
Talk to them about boundaries.
Let the child know that no one has the right to touch them or make them feel uncomfortable, including family members, teachers, coaches, or other authority figures. Also, explain to your child that he or she doesn’t have the right to touch another person’s body, and if someone tells them to stop, they should do so right away.
Help them find a reliable support system.
In addition to a parent, this can be a school counselor, a therapist, or another trusted adult who can provide ongoing support. Know that school counselors are required to report domestic violence or abuse if they suspect it. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a type of talk therapy or counseling that may work best for children who have experienced violence or abuse. During CBT, a therapist will work with your child to turn negative thoughts into more positive ones. The therapist can also help your child learn healthy ways to cope with stress
The Next Steps
Your safety and the safety of your children are the biggest priorities. If you are not yet ready or willing to leave an abusive relationship, you can take steps to help yourself and your children now, including:
- Making a safety plan for you and your child
- Talking to your children about their feelings and fears, and letting them know it is not their fault
- Reaching out to an advocate for support
Children don’t have to witness physical violence to be harmed by it. Emotional abuse, threats, and fear in the home all leave lasting marks. But healing is possible. With safety, support, and love, children can recover, thrive, and break the cycle of violence. As we enter a new school year, let’s work together to ensure that every child has a chance to learn and grow in an environment free from fear. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, help is available.
Call our 24/7 hotline at 1-800-373-1043 or 1-800-228-1625 to speak with an advocate. We are here to help.
